The story of a lifetime dieter – finally the freedom to be me
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The story of a lifetime dieter – finally the freedom to be me
This is the story of how I finally stopped dieting and found the freedom to be me.
When we are trying to lose weight we are confronted with rules: ‘how to’s’, judgement, ‘shoulds’ and ‘shouldn’ts’, what to eat and what not to eat, and our own and others’ beliefs and suggestions.
I have been a lifetime dieter. My first diet started when I was in primary school. There was a health project planned that involved tracking our weight. I was overweight compared to my classmates and there was a fear of having my weight exposed for all to see. I put myself on a diet and did lose weight. My diet was motivated by fear. To my relief we didn’t have the project. With the pressure off, I went back to eating what I felt to eat.
In my early teens I started to diet again. I have been on diets all through my life, always looking and searching outside of myself for that silver lining. Juice diets, cleanses – you name it. They were a momentary enduring to reach a goal. Often in my weight loss journey I would get ‘weighed in’ once a week. I felt this would make me more accountable if I had to face the scales. I remember waiting with bated breath to hear if I had a good or bad week. In my early years, I would reward myself with food if I had lost weight. Weigh-in night would be a treat night. Then I would start my diet again the next day.
I have had some success in the past with diets, however they have always felt like a lot of effort. I have used food in life as my ‘go-to’ to take the edge off when feeling tension. When I feel stress or tension then I want to overeat.
I have tried in recent years to diet again, but it doesn’t feel like the true way forward anymore. When I go on a diet, I realised I am buying into a picture of how I think I should be and then the picture and the diet are running the show.
At some point I realised there had to be another way, because this wasn’t working, going on diets. I understood there had to be more to this. I had already searched relentlessly for the perfect diet and the perfect solution. There were copious self-help books and diet books that claimed their approach was the answer to everything… None of them worked. Eventually I came across the teachings of the Ageless Wisdom, which taught me that looking for solutions outside myself just takes me around and around in circles, and that I would never get off the merry-go-round until I understood that the answer is already within me. All I needed to do was to connect to my inner self, to the essence of who I am. The Gentle Breath Meditation® helped me connect to my inner self. I gradually learned to deepen that and to live with the connection with myself. I finally realised that I have a choice. I can stay connected where I feel empowered, or get caught up focussing on tension and issues. I knew the answer was inside me and that I had to stop looking outside myself to fix something.
I have come to realise that the less I control myself, by trying to do good and be right and just allow myself to simply be me, the more I give myself space; space to eat what I want to eat at any certain time and that ‘trying’ to control myself doesn’t work. This means there is less pressure in life. When I give myself this space, I can connect to true love.
I have also come to realise that there is true love and conditional love. Conditional love isn’t true love; rather it is simply placing conditions on yourself and others. For example, conditions such as, I will love myself if I lose weight or am a certain size, or when I think I need to be ‘nice’ or ‘good’. True love is the space I allow myself. When I am connected to true love, and when I feel amazing, then I don’t have to be perfect, and I don’t want to overeat.
When we do not appreciate the love we are we can think we need a reward, rather than knowing the reward is simply enjoying being ourselves. I often overeat because I feel I deserve a reward, so I binge, which actually takes me deeper down the rabbit hole. These behaviours do not truly support my experience to self-love.
To get past overeating and eating as a reward, what supported me was talking to others about how I was feeling, with people I could be really honest with, so I could explore what I was feeling. Some dear friends, listening to me without judgement, reflected true love to me. This reflection is something that I could feel from them. Love without conditions. I could feel they were not there to judge or criticise me in my weight loss journey.
I notice that when I give others space they are able to feel safe and be themselves, without any judgement or impositions. Then they can start to feel that same connection within themselves.
What I have learnt is that when we refer to others’ overweight and health issues, they may feel judged if it is not expressed lovingly. If we are truly compassionate and loving, others may feel we truly care and that we will support them when they choose to make changes. When we offer space, others are able to feel safe and be themselves without any judgement or impositions. Then they can start to feel that same connection within themselves. When we are gentle with ourselves and less rigid, we allow others the space to develop and make their own choices. When we show control and rigidness, others can step back and go into reaction and delay. We can offer a powerful reflection to allow others to come to their own knowing of what is true for them. This reflection can offer a foundation which anyone can begin to build on to make loving decisions for themselves.
We offer space when we are exercising compassion. And space is the greatest form of love.
Serge Benhayon Esoteric Teachings & Revelations Volume III, ed 1, p 407
When we claim our power and appreciate this quality that we all bring, we can offer a powerful reflection. We can change the world when we express from this quality.
Filed under
Weight-loss, Diets, Health conditions, Losing weight
