Infertility and appreciating the true woman

I remember well the first Heart Chakra course that I attended presented by Universal Medicine, as it was my first meeting with Serge. It was in England, November 2010, and it was the time when I was trying to get pregnant through insemination treatments at the hospital. I remember that as I was walking up to Serge I felt a lot of sadness well up in me and I began to cry.

I asked him about my wish to become a mother and my going to the hospital, not knowing if I should take the next step with IVF. The beautiful thing is that he did not tell me what to do.

What Serge did tell me was that there is nothing wrong with going to the hospital and doing IVF but that I could have a deeper look at how I was going to the hospital, in which energy and quality I was holding myself and how I was taking ME to the hospital – was it with a quality of self-nurturing?

Serge offered that my infertility was about my being a woman and my fully accepting this. It was about my relationship with myself first, as a woman.

At the time, the words really needed to sit with me because I could not really hear them. Of course there was a part in me that wanted to get a straight answer, a yes or no, even a confirmation that yes, everything will be fine, you will become a mother. Serge’s reading exposed a desperation within myself to have a child and I was finding it hard to accept that this may not happen.

So I took the words home and now, more than three years later, thinking back to that time, I can feel the enormous support Serge has given me with this reading. Serge actually invited me to look first and foremost at the relationship I had with myself as a woman, and the importance of taking care of me. I learned that this was not actually about IVF or becoming a mother, but about me.

I carried a belief in me that I had to become a mother to be able to experience a deep sense of love – this love is what I wanted to get from my child. I have since understood that this love is already inside me, and that a child cannot be used to fulfil me – I simply need to re-connect and be love myself first.

Over the past years I have deepened the relationship with myself and realized that there was not a whole lot of love, care and nurturing for myself. I was so focussed on wanting to become a mother that I forgot about myself. I did go to the hospital for more treatments but after some time I really honoured the fact that my whole body was telling me to not go for the next step (IVF).

My relationship with myself has become so much stronger, loving and honouring, that my need to become a mother has changed. I started to accept myself and my life as it was. I realized that the reading was not about me getting pregnant or not, but about me – the woman that I am, the love that I carry within and that my constant feeling of missing something had nothing to do with not having a child but all to do with me not being with me.

I was actually missing me.

I feel great now, as a woman, and that feeling of missing something is gone. I love being a woman, I love being me and I have fully accepted that I am not a mother. This reading was not only for me, but for all women, as I am now a living reflection of a woman who knows that I am complete as I am, and that we as women can feel complete, with or without children.

Filed under

Esoteric Women's Health, Nurturing, Universal Medicine, Self-love, Acceptance, Infertility, Motherhood