Single by choice – does it really exist?
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Single by choice – does it really exist?
Often I was asked, questioned, if not somewhat interrogated at times, why are you single? I’m not the only one who has been asked this, and such a question is met with varied responses by many women across the world no doubt.
The truth is, I was single by choice.
Have you experienced this and ever noticed, in yourself or others, that the tone of response to such a question can provoke a defense or a need to justify? It is as though we have to explain why we don’t fit with the pressured model of “finding the one” or “married with children”...
- Surely there must be a reason you’re not partnered off yet right?
- Pursuing a career?
- Taking a break?
- Having ME time?
- Travelling?
- Going through a difficult time?
- Are you unwell? etc. etc.
As much as we like to talk about women being more free and liberated in our modern times – and in many respects they are – let’s get real here and state the honest facts that actually, for a lot of women, the topic of being single or not has in many cases a lot of influence on what we do and how we feel about ourselves.
Is it possible just to answer this question with – because I choose to be – with no defense or justification; or secret wishing or wanting, just an answer in absolute contentment of the woman for who she is?
The latter is the response I gave, much to the surprise of the questioner, for I was single by choice, first and foremost. This is not a feminist ideal, not something that happened by default or in reaction to abusive relationships, it is not because of circumstance (ie. “haven’t met the one yet”), and not because I was pursuing other aspects of life …
This choice came from a deep knowing within that relationships are about love.
"In-truth, relationships are about growing a potential to eventually be the great love you both are. This love is then to occur equally with all others you relate to."
Serge Benhayon Esoteric Teachings & Revelations, Volume I, ed 1, p 95
When I made the choice to be single, it was not in any reaction at all, even though I was single by choice, I was actually very open to relationships and being in a relationship.
Confused yet? You shouldn’t be, it is actually very simple, where I am coming from is a very conscious commitment to what relationships are truly about ... LOVE.
All too often we are sold the picturesque ideal of finding the one, or finding someone that will fit and meet all the needs that we want them to, without any consideration for OUR responsibility in the relationship. In other words, what are YOU bringing to the table? What is YOUR contribution to the love between yourself and another? Is it all up to them to be your saving grace?
Choosing to be single is actually a choice to be in relationship, firstly with self, and then equally so with all others in life around you. However, this choice comes with the commitment, to explore deeply the self that really is you, and ensure that it is this true self that is brought out to the world in all interactions.
Through teachings based on the principles you will encounter throughout this Unimed Living website, I came to understand that if relationships were to be about love, and only love, then I had better make sure I walked the talk first! ... I would at least then know exactly what I would be contributing to a relationship, and therefore what I would be willing to allow/accept in return.
And so, what began as a slow development of exploring every facet of the Woman I am, has now become an intimate and deep relationship with every detail of me.
‘Single by choice’ is a way of life that is deeply rich and fulfilling. It is not a swipe against those in relationships, but a deliberate choice made to honour oneself and not live “not good enough” because you don’t fit a pressured ideal – in doing so, you are also honouring that quality relationships are something that we all deserve to have.
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