Whoops is one of my favourite words – a message from the author
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Whoops is one of my favourite words – a message from the author
Having worked as a Behaviour Specialist since 2002, I have come to experience a wide array of challenging behaviours from people of all ages. When working with people I am not that concerned by what their behaviour looks like (I know all behaviour is a form of communication), rather I am much more interested in the reason why behaviours are occurring.
I am known as the ‘I Wonder Why Lady’ – always asking, “I wonder why that behaviour is occurring?”
A core principle behind the way I work is in the knowing there is ALWAYS a reason behind the behaviour and without identifying this reason, lasting behavioural changes will not occur!
In my clinical experience working with people of all ages (2yrs to 80+), I have come to identify the crippling epidemic of perfectionism affecting humanity as a whole. It is a widespread and rapidly growing entrapment pushing humanity to seek the impossible! Seeking perfection through what we do is fuelled by seeking acceptance from self and others, based on our actions.
Perfectionism leads to feelings of rejection and low self-worth and is a guarantee for failure – there is always going to be something we can’t do perfectly. Perfectionism is a reason why so many people are using unwanted behaviours!
"We are human beings and not human doings."
Serge Benhayon
The consequence of perfectionism has an impact on most people and society at large. Our psychological well-being and mental and medical health in general are all affected by perfectionism. As we deal with the consequences of perfectionism, the financial burdens of its impact have been shown to be astronomical. Having travelled widely, I have not been to a single country where this is not an issue!
The seeking of perfection through what we do is observed in people of all ages and begins very early. In my clinic I’ve noticed the siblings of my clients (younger than 2 years) becoming reactive when they are: Corrected, redirected or lose a game or race
And as people age, perfectionism shows as a form of increased anxiety in everyday life situations such as:
- Making mistakes
- Getting something wrong
- Needing to make decisions (“What if I get it wrong?”)
- Getting 9 out of 10 in an exam
- Not looking perfect
- Others not doing things perfectly
- Being called to the boss’s office (“I must have done something wrong”)
- Needing support but not seeking support as not wanting to be seen as needing support
- Receiving any feedback that is not based on, “You did that perfectly”
This book has been written in the knowing that what we do may sometimes require correction; however, our being has and will always be perfect.
Having practised and presented in the clinical setting since 2006, the message in this book Whoops is One of My Favourite Words is based on supporting clients of all ages to embrace their imperfections. When we live accepting that we are not perfect, we will then allow ourselves to seek and accept support where support is required for our ongoing development.
In book form this message can now be shared and thus offered across all situations. We have observed that it can lead to:
- Reduced anxiety
- Reduced use of unwanted behaviours
- Increased esteem
- Increased psychological wellbeing
- Acceptance of self
- Acceptance of others
Thus leading to societal benefits that can truly benefit us all
Whoops is One of My Favourite Words presents a power-full message that has the potential to change the future wellbeing of everyone who embraces and lives it.
Interview with Tanya:
Filed under
Behaviour, Communication, Self-worth, Mental health, Anxiety
